Preternaturally happy, cheerful, perfect, organized, clean, boring, popular: I guess the case I’m making is that the Goldbergs are the Martha Stewart of Variations. And like Martha Stewart, you don’t totally absolutely mind if they end up going off for a little while to a very clean and nice prison (sorry Martha, I’m just following the metaphor, I don’t really mean it) so you don’t have to see them being perfectly organized all the time, making a mockery of your unclean life. Maybe a show of hands: who would like a short moratorium on performances or recordings of the Goldbergs, so we could all hear it freshly again? Who will be the first pianist to unilaterally disarm? (Not me!)
Let’s revise the Martha Stewart metaphor. The Goldbergs are like a friend you have who always does everything right. This friend always answers his emails, keeps a clean house, has a kind word for everyone, behaves properly at concerts, writes thank you cards, grooms himself assiduously, knows how to tie a tie, never eats Burger King at 2 AM, and never ever writes silly blog posts saying he hates pieces he really loves. He’s an example to the world. He’s smiling at you over drinks, listening as always with benevolent patience, and you realize through your gritted hateful envious teeth that he is certainly not your enemy, and what would it hurt to admit, you wouldn’t want to face life without him?
Jaapi jab: DoTheMath.