The Times reports that:
Couples who live together before they get married are less likely to stay married, a new study has found….The likelihood that a marriage would last for a decade or more decreased by six percentage points if the couple had cohabited first..
Obvious conclusion: Don’t live together before you get married, if you want to stay married.
But this is another one of those “correlation does not imply causation” posts. Here are two interpretations that do not imply the obvious conclusion.
First, suppose one partner is reluctant to get married and has doubts about the relationship. More information would be helpful to decide whether to stay together or break up. If the couple cohabit, that will give them valuable information. On the other hand, couples who are more confident about their relationship are more likely to get married straight away. Hence, more stable couples are less likely to live together before marriage than less stable couples. Living together per se is not the problem. The real problem is that a deeper source of instability is correlated with cohabitation.
Second – and this theory is implicit in the research – more religious couples are less likely to get divorced and less likely to live together before marriage. Again, selection explains the data and not cohabiting per se.
The empirical results are interesting but you can carry on living in sin without worrying that this is going to lead to the collapse of your marriage. That may happen but it’s because you really hate each other and religion is not providing the glue to keep you together.
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March 3, 2010 at 1:18 am
IB
Or maybe marriage has nothing to do with it; i.e. people get tired of each other based on the length of cohabitation rather than the length of marriage.
March 3, 2010 at 9:22 am
Matt
Your second point is the driving force here. There are huge sections of the country (the Bible Belt or more Catholic communities) where it is still disgraceful to openly acknowledge a sexual relationship before marriage, as cohabitation does. Couples there are also likely to be disgraced by divorce.
March 3, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Paul
I agree with IB. I don’t see the significant difference between living together and being married. These data would be much more interesting if they compared total lengths of cohabitation.
March 6, 2010 at 11:37 am
twicker
I disagree with IB and agree with the post. There may be a small sample of people who “get tired” of being around each other, but most marriages that end in divorce do so fairly rapidly (see http://www.divorceinfo.com/statistics.htm ). If it was people simply getting tired of being around each other, then you’d expect the trend to increase based on length of marriage, not decrease. However, if people were unsure about commitment, then you would expect to see a peak at the beginning (as their concerns received more validation), and a long tapering tail (as people disagreed about parenting, had more divergence in expectations, etc.). The actual stats support the second hypothesis, not the first. IB may know people who simply got tired of each other, but that doesn’t seem to be the case for most people (unless most people who are commitment-averse enough to simply “get tired” of another person do so very quickly).
yrs,
twicker
May 3, 2010 at 1:36 pm
slytke
This is a good summary of what I was going to post of why the divorce rate based on factors such as living together is bogus. http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/divorce.htm
There are a TON of other factors that people refuse to take into account and this study encompasses a bunch of factors at once.
1. Who is being sampled? When you throw in young couples then of course that will drive the divorce rate.
2. Sampling the large number of very religious couples also plays against this study because divorce is just as much a sin as living together before marriage so they will do neither…happy or not, they will refuse to live together and refuse to get divorced.
3. The study is based more on forecasts or projections because of the short amount of time this data has been collected. We can only predict when more time has passed.
There are many other reasons but if anyone wants to debate this I will be glad to. I don’t feel like wasting my time otherwise.
sly
May 10, 2010 at 6:16 am
Divorce Solicitor Cheshire
I can understand the first point about willingness to get married but I don’t think this study is reliable.
May 13, 2010 at 8:48 am
solicitor liverpool
Hmmm i think that living together first is a good idea- it lets people know whether or not they can actually live together.
May 28, 2010 at 5:09 pm
howtogetdivorced
This really is not a good study at all. It is also dangerous as people who do not understand studies and statistics may read it and actually think that it offers up qualitative information. It does not.
It is really superficial hearsay based on very little scientific research.
There is absolutely no evidence that living together before marriage has any direct correlation what so ever to divorce.
June 2, 2010 at 4:19 pm
twicker
howtogetdivorced:
Methinks you might want to go back and examine the study again.
re: “no evidence that living together before marriage has any DIRECT CORRELATION what so ever [sic.] to divorce.” [emphasis mine – twicker]
Actually, the study shows a very clear direct correlation between the two. What it *doesn’t* show is that one causes the other. As jeff pointed out, correlation is NOT causality.
Two very, very different things.
June 6, 2010 at 1:17 pm
Paula Stone
Those of us who hate to clean and do laundry do not approach the question of living together or marrying lightly. The risks for women inherent in a sexual relationship are too important to take casually. Until you decide the potential lover is worth the trouble they can keep their own place and stay out of yours. Some of us, men and women both, equate marriage with slavery. But someone who really loves you can make all the difference. People need to hold back until it seems right. Living together, whether in a marriage or not, is something to think over carefully. Marriages thrive on attraction, kindness and shared values. It takes a while to find out what you need to know about each other. You need to know a lot more than you might think. Don’t be afraid to ask the difficult questions about what your lover thinks about literally everything that is important to you in a person. There could easily be a deal breaker in there you might not find out about until it’s WAY too late. Ask now before it’s too late to run away clean.
July 5, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Michael Finlayson
Yes and No would be my answer to that. If a couple were living together before marriage then getting married would change the relationship dynamic. Whereas before they were still basically single, now, all of a sudden they find they they are tied to their partner.
I think that far to many people marry without having formed a relationship that can stand the test of time. All to few seem to be prepared to properly commit to the marriage and work together to build a healthy relationship. Society seems to view it as acceptable for people to give in at the first hurdle and not try to work their problems through, just go get divorced and try again.
I’m always a wee bit cynical when it comes to religious groups, they might be more likely to stay together but that cynic in me wonders if they have loving, fulfilling relationships, or do they stay together only because God requires them to. I have 2 favourite parts in the Bible. The first is that God says it doesn’t matter how you worship so long as you worship. The second is Jesus when commenting on the Pharisees who obeyed the law to the last punctuation mark…they would get to heaven because fundamentalism is still a form of worship…but they would have to wait for the prostitutes and tax collectors to get their first.
July 15, 2010 at 3:25 am
tammy
so i had a qestion about cohabitation. I was roomates with my now fiance. We were friends first and had dated other people but then we started dating and still lived together. We deployed so we have lived in different quaters for about 4months out of the 1 1/2 we dated. When we got back from deployment we bought a new home together and he proposed. we are getting married in a week and he has to leave for Korea for a year while i stay back. I will see him ocassionally while he is over there and he will be able to come home for a month in between his tour. Do u think this will strenghten our marriage?
August 31, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Discovery Counseling
Here are some other questions. Why after living together did the couple get married? Did they think that marriage would solve a problem?
Another question, after living together did they really understand the strains of marriage, kids, jobs etc.
Did the couple have any premarital counseling?
http://www.discoverycounseling.org/marital.html
October 8, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Kent Kerry
My wife and I got married 10 years ago, after we have been living together for almost 12 years. We have three young childen now and think of us as a happy family.
I agree with the comment, that a marriage will not last if a couple gets married to fix a problem. if you have been together for a long time and experience problems, than these problems need to be fixed before getting married.
If you are struggling and having problems in your marriage and think – I need help saving my marriage, please visit my site.
October 13, 2010 at 4:11 am
divorce cheshire
Band aid marriages are definitely not a good idea. I think in some cases living together prior to marriage will make the marriage stronger in the long run and mean a couple know much more about each other, but there is also is a question regarding why they never married before if living together was working out so well?!
November 24, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Couples who live together before marriage more likely to get divorced « Something should go here, maybe later.
[…] a lot of religious sites repeating that sort of thing. Looking past those results, I uncovered some skepticism. But this is another one of those “correlation does not imply causation” posts. Here are two […]
March 10, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Jamie London
Sandeep, you are right to question the validity or relevance of the cited study. As with most of the folks who have posted comments, I too am a bit skeptical and agree with you that it really depends on the couple’s original commitment to the relationship and their unique situation. And I agree with you that religion can play an important role as well. In my work, I see people struggling with relationship breakups all the time, whether they cohabited prior to getting married or not, and the success rate for repairing a broken relationship is higher than people might believe.
September 20, 2011 at 3:47 am
seekingtruth
There are two hypothesis in your post
Hypothesis A. Cohabitation leads to higher divorce rate.
Hypothesis B. “you can carry on living in sin without worrying that this is going to lead to the collapse of your marriage. That may happen but it’s because you really hate each other and religion is not providing the glue to keep you together.”
Agreed that study proves only correlation and not causation. So the study does NOT prove hypothesis A. So the scientific thing would be to say: “we don’t know yet, it could be hypothesis A, B or another one: we need more study”.
You are right in dismissing hypothesis A, at least as long as there is no studies about causation. But you are wrong in taking for granted hypothesis B, which you state as a truth (and not as an opinion). There is no “I think”, “In my opinion”, “It could be” or similar. Everything is stated as a fact.
You have NO evidence for hypothesis B: it’s only proof by assertion. It’s only that B seems reasonable to you. You don’t even have an statistical study to base your hypothesis on (at least, hypothesis A has this study, although it is not enough).
So it is very intellectual dishonest to demand a far higher evidence for A than for B. This show your biases and it’s very unscientific.
(Disclaimer: I am no axe to grind. I don’t believe A or B. But I hope there are more studies about that because science is the search of truth).
April 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Living Together Before Marriage Leads To Divorce? « Cheap Talk
[…] There was a survey that showed some correlation between pre-marital cohabitation and divorce. Sandeep said First, suppose one partner is reluctant to get married and has doubts about the relationship. More […]
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