An eternal puzzle is how a husband/father handles visits by his mother without agonizing conflict between the wife and her mother-in-law. Here is my Machiavellian solution. The husband should engineer a conflict with his mother that puts him in the wrong. Then the wife and her mother-in-law will naturally bond in the face of a mutual enemy. Don’t forget the key condition that the crime has to be egregious enough so the wife does not come to your defense. This is why the conflict should not be with the wife: your mother, being your mother, is naturally more inclined to side with you. Added bonus: husband is conveniently ostracized!
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June 28, 2010 at 1:44 pm
twicker
Alternatively, the husband can have the wife be in on the game so that the husband can institute a relatively-small conflict with the mother (e.g., spilling something on a fairly nice piece of clothing, but not on something unwashable or irreplaceable) and have the agree to be “forced” to concede the mother’s point. This would also allow the wife to modulate her response to match the mother’s response (e.g., if the mother seems to decide that, because DIL is agreeing, therefore the offense of her dear little boy was not that bad, the wife can immediately choose to tone down her response as well).
This naturally presupposes that the wife is not the source of the problem.
The best solution will allow any ostracism that occurs to be quickly remedied; what you’re looking for in a balanced triad is, well, a balanced triad, where all three people like (or love) the other two. Any odd wo/men out need to be brought into the fold quickly.
June 28, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Niko
Both my grandmothers ALWAYS sided with my father. My poor mom.
June 29, 2010 at 12:01 am
The Mom!
The secret is to not notify the mother in advance of your trickery!
June 29, 2010 at 11:51 pm
jeff
How to get away with anything: post on your blog a made-up trick involving purposeful mischief with an ulterior motive and wait for the target to read it. Then open the mischief floodgates and watch the target forgive you every single time thinking that she is foiling your made-up plot.
June 30, 2010 at 10:34 pm
İsmail Şimşek
Although not a very scientific proof…
I tried (not intentionally) this method and noticed that it worked very well.
July 3, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Article Round UP « Marriage Against All Odds
[…] Machiavellian In-Law Management – it’s a good thing I get along greatly with my in-laws, but this — is genius! jeff@cheaptalk […]
July 5, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Michael Finlayson
I like the idea except for one small detail…it would be too damn dangerous to upset my Mother!!!
November 23, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Cheap Talk « Scottish Graduate Programme in Economics
[…] Machiavellian in-law management […]
December 21, 2010 at 12:15 pm
John Monteith
And then there is the reversed situation of the mans MIL thinking he is not good enough for her daughter. The maternal bond is likely one of the strongest bonds in our society. By using some form of trickery or underhanded play – the man stands to not only be still considered a ‘looser’, but to spend some time on the couch. The ability of a mans wife to see through his psychological game is uncanny! We as men are only fooling ourselves. Our wives are clearly the more cunning of the species.