Cheap Talk has turned 4 years old. In honor of that, I could tell you about how many of you read us, how many of you subscribe to us, which were the greatest among all the great articles we wrote last year, etc. but instead I’ll take this opportunity to do something I have been wanting to do for a while.
A very interesting side benefit of having a blog is seeing the search terms that lead people to us. Its a fun game trying to figure out which post Google sent them to when they searched for terms like “students can lie to teachers very easily” but more than that, as the range of topics we have covered gets wider and wider just reading down the list of search terms each day starts to look like pure poetry.
So I decided to compose a poem entirely out of search phrases and as my fourth birthday present to myself I am going to make you read it. It is a testament to the power of the Internet that for each and every line below there was someone who, in a quest for knowledge, typed it into Google and Google dutifully led them to our blog.
For the best effect I recommend reading this poem in your best mental Christopher Walken voice.
Feral Dogs in Tampa
I like bareback sex with hookers
Explaining infinity to children,
The god in heaven
Serving GuinnessStatistically birthdays increase your age
What is there to do?
Remember abstract things
Courtney Conklin KnappLow hanging balls
Kink on demand,
Pile driver sex
I am tired of cohabitationYou are nothing
Empty plate with crumbs,
Playing with yourself in public
When will the Devil talk to you?Novel figure skates,
Who invented sarcasm,
Orthogonally-minded,
Try to arrange a meetingFuyuh.
7 comments
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February 3, 2013 at 9:07 am
jackielahora
Wow that was really beautiful. Surprised that no one hasn’t thought of this before. Wow. Truly commendable!
February 3, 2013 at 9:47 am
annonymous
I read it. You are welcome. 🙂
Happy birthday!
February 4, 2013 at 7:21 am
Kurt Gödel
Beautiful… a classic Ely. Happy birthday!
February 4, 2013 at 9:09 am
given
Happy Birthday! I started my Monday by spitting coffee all over myself.
February 4, 2013 at 10:18 pm
Jim S
I read it in my best mental Vogon voice.
February 4, 2013 at 10:25 pm
jeff
high praise
February 7, 2013 at 12:34 am
pd
I did it in my best Tom Waits voice.