To those following me on Twitter, I am not losing my mind. (Or at least not any faster than always.)

  1. Don’t go near that tree, there’s a guy who looks just like Danny Bonaduce perched up there hurling pears at unsuspecting passersby. (Partridge in a pear tree.)
  2. 11th-hour negotiations avert war between the two great superpowers of the turtle world. (Two turtle doves, get it? 🙂 )
  3. Frottez les trois poules avec du romarin, puis faites-les revenir dans une poêle profonde avec de l’ail. (Three french hens)
  4. This is getting out of hand. Four times already this morning! How do I register for the avian do-not-call list? (Four calling birds.)
  5. five golden rings
  6. I was frozen with terror. But then I had a vision. Half a dozen geese. All my fears were put to rest. (Six geese allaying.)
  7. Someone threw my favorite Sufjan Stevens album into Lake Michigan. (See here.)
  8. Sir great news from the servants in the dairy. I know you’ve been worried about the cows, but today 8 made some milk, King Hexanoel. (Say out loud “8 made some milk King.”)
  9. Madame, we have shoes for your Christmas ball somewhere in these boxes. hmm…Men’s running? No. Ah here it is, Size 9 Ladies’ Dancing.
  10. Let’s get this party started, where are those lords I keep hearing about? What, sleeping?? Off with their heads! Wait, what? Oh never mind. (10 lords a leaping, not sleeping.)
  11. I feel like a sewer rat being pulled in 11 different directions. (11 pipers piping.)
  12. Hey you two elves, grab your sticks and give me a drum roll. This is the grand finale…#twelvetweetsofchristmas. (Two elf drummers drumming.)