Cheap Talk has turned 4 years old.  In honor of that, I could tell you about how many of you read us, how many of you subscribe to us, which were the greatest among all the great articles we wrote last year, etc. but instead I’ll take this opportunity to do something I have been wanting to do for a while.

A very interesting side benefit of having a blog is seeing the search terms that lead people to us.  Its a fun game trying to figure out which post Google sent them to when they searched for terms like  “students can lie to teachers very easily” but more than that, as the range of topics we have covered gets wider and wider just reading down the list of search terms each day starts to look like pure poetry.

So I decided to compose a poem entirely out of search phrases and as my fourth birthday present to myself I am going to make you read it. It is a testament to the power of the Internet that for each and every line below there was someone who, in a quest for knowledge, typed it into Google and Google dutifully led them to our blog.

For the best effect I recommend reading this poem in your best mental Christopher Walken voice.

Feral Dogs in Tampa

I like bareback sex with hookers
Explaining infinity to children,
The god in heaven
Serving Guinness

Statistically birthdays increase your age
What is there to do?
Remember abstract things
Courtney Conklin Knapp

Low hanging balls
Kink on demand,
Pile driver sex
I am tired of cohabitation

You are nothing
Empty plate with crumbs,
Playing with yourself in public
When will the Devil talk to you?

Novel figure skates,
Who invented sarcasm,
Try to arrange a meeting